i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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