only if we run a train.
done.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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