i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
