I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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