The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Holy sore nipples Batman
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
