He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
