My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
