eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
