I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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