I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
