So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
