so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
