i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
