Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
