I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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