Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
