Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
