He is an equal opportunity slut.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
