hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
