The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
