walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
