i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
