When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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