Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
