I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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