Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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