Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
