i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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