I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
