9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
