ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
