Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
