I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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