There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
