is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
