The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
