Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
