She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
