When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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