Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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