it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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