Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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