She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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