these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
