I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
