I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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