I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
