don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
