I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
