matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
