well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
