"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
